The Difference Between Helping and Enabling

Addiction: Helping or Enabling? You want to do the former, but you may be doing the latter.

When you are told someone you care about is struggling with addiction your natural instinct is to want to help, to rescue. But with Addiction: Helping or Enabling? it’s important to consider the impact of your actions.

Rushing in might feel like the right thing to do but there is a delicate line between helping and enabling.

Helping means supporting the person so that they can take ownership of their addiction and get into (and maintain) their recovery.

Enabling is shielding them from the consequences of their addiction: This will only make it worse.

Helping Someone Get Into Recovery From Addiction

There are several distinct areas to helping someone get into recovery from their addiction. These can include:

• Providing boundaried emotional support without excusing behaviours
• Setting clear boundaries
• Allowing natural consequences to occur
• Encourage and signpost to professional help and rehab

Enabling Someone So They Don’t Get Into Recovery

Enabling means making it easier for the person, caught up in addiction, to ignore the problem and avoid any consequences. This can include:

• Lending/giving money so they can pay off drug debts and buy more drugs/alcohol
• Making excuses for them
• Rescuing them from their consequences (paying legal fees, mortgage and rent arrears,etc)
• Simply ignoring the fact hoping it would just go away

Addiction: Helping or Enabling? Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are absolutely essential in order to prevent enabling behaviour and to ensure the help you give is constructive. By putting clear boundaries in place you protect yourself while helping the person to take ownership of the problem.

Saying no is not a dirty word.

If you bail someone out over drug debt what will happen? They will simply rack up more debt. If you allow someone to take drugs in your home/drink alcohol, then saying no in the future is going to be far more difficult.

It is your home. Your space. You have the right to determine what goes on. If the person tells you that if you don’t allow them to do so they will harm themselves, signpost them to get crisis help but stick to your resolve.

Don’t be afraid to say how you feel

You have the right to tell the person you care about how their addiction is affecting you and those around you.

Addiction doesn’t just affect the person using, it affects those around them: Colleagues, friends, families, loved ones, etc.

Often, because of the nature of addiction, the person is wholly wrapped up in themselves and is unable to see the carnage their addiction is creating around them.

Expressing how you feel can sometimes be that wake up call. While an addict must get help for their own reasons (and not because they have been strong-armed into it) sometimes knowing the damage they are doing to others can be a powerful spark to ignite the fire.

Helping Without Enabling

Imagine a see-saw.

You need to balance the weight so it does not tip over.

When you support someone caught up in the madness of addiction, the same is true. You want to protect them from harm and shield them from the consequences of their actions: This will only prolong the problem.

If you encourage them to seek help, allow consequences to happen and provide boundaried emotional support you will really help that person.

Resist the urge to rescue: You can’t.

Promoting Treatment : Be Constructive

Someone in the middle of addiction can often see the problem. They know they need help but addiction becomes a safety net against the realities of life. They will be terrified of giving up drugs and alcohol. Here are some tips: While the person who needs help can not be forced into treatment, you can encourage them.

• When you speak to them, try and use “I” statements such as: “I am worried about your alcohol intake” instead of comments such as “You are an alcoholic”.
• Provide signposting: Give them leaflets, numbers to call, websites to visit
• Be supportive, even of the smallest of changes
• Avoid ultimatums unless you are able and willing to adhere to them. Giving mixed messaging is enabling.

Allowing Consequences Are A Motivation For Change

If you rack up drug debt or max out your credit card on alcohol it would be amazing if someone would come along and wave a magic wand.

Problem is, what will happen next? The problem will simply repeat itself!

Allowing the natural consequences of addiction is essential when trying to signpost someone you care about to getting help.

If you bail someone out of a problem, they will never sort it out for themselves.

Providing Emotional Support

In order to help someone you need to be in the right place yourself.

You can not fix an addict any more than you can fix someone with another chronic illness such as asthma or diabetes.

Your life continues so it is essential that you look after yourself.

You can join a support group for people supporting others caught up in addiction.

Seek support from friends, family and professionals and keep up your social life and interests.

Addiction: Helping or Enabling? :Taking A Step Back

Tough love.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Phrases you have heard before and may never have considered. In the sphere of addiction recovery they are very pertinent.

You might not be able to walk away but that doesn’t mean you have to become an emotional punchbag or a walking cash machine.

Despite all your best efforts, the person you care about is still not seeking help. That doesn’t mean you have failed. It means that the addict it not able to hear the message or hears it but doesn’t want to deal with it.

Stepping back may be the only way to communicate. At the very least, you have to look after yourself.

You are no use to anyone if you can not look after yourself.

Get Free Advice From an Experienced Addictions Clinician

You can speak to an experienced addictions clinician for free, independent and confidential advice on any aspect of addiction, detox, rehab and recovery.

We work in centres, but are not tied to them. It matters not to us where yo go for help, only that it is effective ,safe and doesn’t break the bank.

Our service is registered with the Information Commissioner’s Office.

Only legally registered centres and services are included in our advice network.

Addiction: Helping or Enabling? Let our experts give you the right answers.

Recent Posts